This morning, I awoke to the sounds of nothing, and I now believe that silence can eat away at my dreams far worse than any alarm can make them disappear. But it was what it was, and today is what it is, and I think it's going to be a great day for some reason... at least that's what my sheets told me as I left them, though lonely they laid.
I went outside earlier than normal, so early that the day was still letting go of the night. It's an interesting thing though, aint' it? you know, the darkness becoming daylight. I understand it scientifically, but I can't help but always wonder who actually lets go of who? Does day let go of night, or does night let go of day? I like to think the moon is control, but that's just me.
I saw my breath leave my lips three times before I had the chance to gaze the snow this morning. The barely covered blades of grass somehow still looked like Christmas to me, and I went to the fireplace to search for presents from years before. I found wonderful memories and also a couple swords that were just never real enough to stab out my eyes. I also thought about how badly I wished I still believed in Santa, because for some reason today I wanted to venture a fireplace with him and risk burning. How exhilarating it must be.
I keep yawning, and my eyes feel like they're mad at me for opening them. I guess I may have woke up too early today huh? But that's what happens to me when I go to sleep before 1:00 am, I cannot sleep through the night. I can tell though, I am not exactly all there at the moment. After all, I did just briefly mention risking burning alive in a chimney with a make believe man who brings us presents every year and somehow can eat cookies at every house he goes to. Plus, they say the human body cannot even handle consuming that much milk. I liked it better when I didn't know anything.
Iv'e been trying to figure out what I'm writing about for about an twenty minutes now, but I think I finally understand where I'm going with this one (oh yeah, by the way, I had no intentions of even writing this morning), but anyhow... I believe it's about how I think today is wonderful, mainly because I felt the need to feel air no matter how brisk it made my chest feel. I think today is wonderful because it's not yesterday, as in I had the glory of seeing another day. I think today is wonderful, because there is a tomorrow- I hope.
But if doesn't come for some reason, I'd just like to say that I learned one of the most precious lessons today when I sat at that fireplace and thought back to when I was just a little boy. "Little boy", that's a funny statement, because my limbs haven't longed for much more since those days, but my heart...my heart, fuck... that thing has gotten far to big, so big It nearly hurts from all it holds. Then there is my mind, not the deep depths of my soul type mind, actually like my brain- the part where I have attempted to store everything I've learned over the years. But what I learned today is that I hate my brain so much, yet I love my soul (...they are far different). To be naive again is how we fly, so I think this year I'm going to leave cookies and milk out again in hopes they disappear.
Knowledge is nothing but a curse to imagination. Reality is my dreams worst enemy... And this fireplace, I think I'm going to burn anything that's ever attempted to rot my soul, but I'll keep everything that lives in my heart, though it heavily weighs against my chest. The air brisk within it, but beautiful it will become.
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